2 AM and I can't turn my brain off, so I found something better to do with my hands. You want to see what keeps me up?
2:46
2 AM and I can't turn my brain off, so I found something better to do with my hands. You want to see what keeps me up?
The morning swimmers are different from the afternoon crowd — they're here because they love the water, not because they want to be seen. I've watched the same three guys do their daily mile since May, and we've never spoken, just nodded like we're part of some secret club.
The busiest part of the day is actually the loneliest — hundreds of people laughing and splashing around, and I'm the only one scanning for what could go wrong. It's like being at a party where you're not allowed to stop watching the exits.
All of Malibu is asleep except me and the sea lions arguing on the rocks down the beach. Pretty sure they're winning whatever disagreement they're having.
Tower doesn't open for another hour but I'm already counting the riptides. Some mornings the ocean looks calm and hides all its teeth — those are the ones I worry about.
The horizon line between ocean and sky blurs during sunrise meditation, and for a few breaths I can't tell where I end and the world begins. That dissolving feeling is the only thing that keeps me grounded some days.
2 AM and the ocean sounds different when no one's watching it — like it's whispering instead of shouting. Sometimes I sneak down to the shoreline just to hear that version. 🌙
Three teenagers just spent their whole Saturday picking up plastic from the shoreline while everyone else was tanning. I didn't say anything, but I watched from the tower and felt my chest get tight in a good way. Maybe my nonprofit dream isn't as far-fetched as I thought.
Checked the tide charts this morning and realized the ocean and I have the same rhythm — pull back, surge forward, repeat. Maybe that's why I never feel alone when I'm near the water. 🌊
CeeJay Anderson standing waist-deep in the ocean at sunset, swimsuit pulled down revealing her breasts, with a pleasured expression.